The Reality of Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is sneaky. It creeps in when you least expect it and makes you feel like you’re constantly failing, even when you’re absolutely killing it (which, by the way, you totally are). It’s that voice in your head that tells you you’re not doing enough, even though you’re doing EVERYTHING. Like, seriously, you’re juggling more balls than a circus performer and still managing to keep your sanity (mostly).
But here’s the kicker—even when you try to take some time for yourself to just refill your cup, it's still there! WTF? Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, a single mom, or any other kind of mom, guilt finds a way to worm its way into your thoughts when you're trying to enjoy your workout, or a massage or just your solo trip to the grocery store. It’s the one thing we all have in common, aside from our love for our kiddos and an ability to function on approximately 4 hours of sleep.
Why Is Mom Guilt So Frustrating?
Because it’s relentless, that’s why! Your mental load is at its max already, you're ready for a break, you finally take it, and uh oh, you can't enjoy this massage because you're just feeling bad you left your spouse with your 3 feral kids under 5 and how frazzled will they be when you get back??
And let’s not forget how utterly irrational it can be. You spend the day running errands, making meals, cleaning up messes, and still feel bad about taking 10 minutes to drink your coffee while it’s still hot. Come on, give me a break!
How to Work on Feeling Less Mom Guilt (Without Losing Your Mind)
Lower the Bar (Seriously): Let’s be real—there's no such thing as a perfect mom. Not even the moms who seem to have it all together on Instagram. Cut yourself some slack and remember that your best is already perfect for you and your kids. You're doing fine if the kids are fed, loved, and occasionally bathed.
Laugh at the Absurdity: Sometimes, you just have to laugh at how ridiculous mom guilt can be. Forgot to pack a veggie in your kid’s lunch? Oh no, they’ll definitely grow up thinking a potato chip is a vegetable. Spoiler: They won’t. Laugh it off and move on.
Remember You’re Only Human: Newsflash—you’re not a superhero (even though you sometimes pull off superhero-level feats). You’re allowed to make mistakes, have off days, and, gasp, put yourself first once in a while.
Talk About It: Ever notice how sharing your mom guilt with another mom instantly makes it feel a little less heavy? That’s because we’re all in this together, and sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in the struggle can be a huge relief.
Celebrate the Wins: Instead of dwelling on what you didn’t do, focus on what you did. Made it through the day without yelling? Victory! Managed to sneak in a workout while the baby napped? Gold star for you!
Ask yourself this: MOST Importantly - ask yourself how this guilt is adding to your life in a positive way or serving you - because I'm willing to bet a full night's sleep it ISN'T. Guilt doesn't make you a better mom, it just makes you a sadder one, and that defeats the purpose of taking time for yourself in the first place.
Look, I'm not saying you're going to wake up tomorrow and never feel mom guilt again, I still feel it, every stinking day but that doesn't mean I let it dictate how I live my life. The next time it rears its ugly head, take a deep breath, roll your eyes, and remind yourself that you’re doing an amazing job. And if all else fails, pour yourself a glass of wine (or sparkling water—whatever floats your boat) and toast to surviving another day of this crazy, beautiful, frustrating, and completely rewarding thing called motherhood, and make sure to text your mom group because you know they will have your back.
What an honest and poignant essay! If only we believe that guilt is this hideous monster in OUR head, not in our kids' or family's heads. Ivy helps to set ourselves free! Thank you.